No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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