I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
