Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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