now i know why i became what i already was.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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