The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
