It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
