i was born a porn star she said
You smell like stripper and shame
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
