We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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