so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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