Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
