I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
