I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
