i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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