I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
