I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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