I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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