His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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