Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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