No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
