and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
