my vag is so smooth its legendary
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
