he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Terrible idea I love it
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
