If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Enjoy the penises
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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