Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize