what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i think i have two assholes
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
