Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
