Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
