she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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