Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
