nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize