I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
