i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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