soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
