In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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