i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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