He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
