Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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