Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
