So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
