blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
