Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
