the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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