I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
