She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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