corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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