This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
