Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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