ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
