I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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