I met the friendliest cop last night
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
