why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He shit in the fireplace
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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