Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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