I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
