he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
