Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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