Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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