just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
