every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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