Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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