I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
