you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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