I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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