Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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