Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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