party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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