You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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