she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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