just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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