I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
