a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
