im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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