i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
